Posts tagged ‘enabling’

Care Taking Remains Deeply Embedded in Your Belief System

Channeled by Brenda Hoffman for Life Tapestry Creations.com

5/9/11 “Creation Energies” 15-minute radio show highlights: Yesterday, the Universes provided a buffer that will greatly enhance our ability to move into and expect joy and love. The complete channel is available at http://www.lifetapestrycreations.com or blogtalkradio.com.

Dear Ones,

Care taking others is so deeply embedded in your belief system that you continue to have difficulties understanding your true role in this New Age/new earth transition.

You have been taught for eons to give is proper, but to receive is selfish or somehow wrong. Granted, you allow yourself to receive token birthday and holiday gifts, but you continue to feel it is your duty to protect others while denying yourself.

That perception needs to shift during this transition period. If you continue to put others before yourself, you will not hear that soft inner voice that directs you to your role. For indeed, is it not true that when you move to a place that is comfortable for you, someone asks you to move over so they receive the same benefits or more?

Taking care of others means denying your self-worth. Both parties are victims. You are a victim for moving away from your dream to help others fulfill theirs. And they are a victim in that they do not believe they can create for themselves. You are not teaching them to fish – you are giving them the fish.

Many parents understand this principle – it is more difficult to encourage your child pick up their blocks than to pick up those blocks for them. Just as it is easier to smooth out any wrinkles in the life of another than to teach them how to care for themselves.

This New Age does not reward victims or care takers. Everyone will know they are strong enough to create what they want when they want it.

We have used that last line over and over in our blogs and books. It remains a difficult concept for you to accept. Once you accept the concept, you will know without a doubt there is no longer a need to take care of others. And you will also understand how care taking forces you into the victim role.

Are we indicating that you should not give to others? No. What we are saying is that it is time that you consider yourself an equal in the equation. Does it feel warm and loving to help others, does it radiate from within you? Or is it merely something you think you should do?

Doing what you think you should do will give you less and less pleasure during this transition, until there is a point that you become angry with yourself and with the person who feels incapable of directing their life without your help.

In the Old Age, victims and care takers were wonderful and demanding roles that allowed many to create outer-directed power bases.

In this New Age, both roles are not only unnecessary, they are physically harmful. For the anger and rage you develop over time as you again and again help someone who refuses to learn how to take care of themselves will be internalized by you because you will know that you are allowing them to use you.

Let us explain. In the past, care taking and victim hood were honored roles. People bragged about what wonderful friends and neighbors they were as they put off their lives to care for someone else. A role that was eventually re-labeled “enabling” in your self-help dialogues. Both roles will be further degraded until no will wish to admit they are participating. “My life was on hold to put him through college.” “I gave up my dream because she needed me.” “I work 70 hours just about every week because my boss needs my specific skills and doesn’t have the money to hire another person.”

Why would anyone need to put their life on hold if everyone has the power and skill to direct their life? That is a difficult concept to absorb is it not? Do you see how deeply entrenched those care taker/victim modes are?

Yesterday, in our radio show we discussed how a buffer has been provided that will more easily allow you to move into joy and out of fear. Care taking and victim hood are not part of joy – both are offshoots of fear.

Ask yourself why you wish to take care of someone. Is it because your heart sings when you do so? Then it is right for you.

Or is it because you feel you should? If it is the latter, you are moving both yourself and the person you are care taking off the path of joy. For the person you are care taking must reciprocate with feelings of gratitude, even if their heart tells them that they wish to do this piece on their own. Who among you has the courage to tell a loving care taker to take a “flying leap?” And so it has been for ages.

The net result is that even if you feel strong enough to do it on your own, pushing the caretaker aside seems cruel. So the two of you continue a dance that neither wants to be part of. And if one partner wishes to continue in that dance and the other does not, it merely means that one has moved into the New Age and other wishes to live in the Old Age.

What are you to do if your child, parent or friend begs for help and you do not feel as if it is something you wish to do? Yes, what are you to do? Do you follow your heart or follow the dictates of society? Do you do what you need to do to move into the New Age or do you stay stuck in the Old Age because of guilt and fear?

Do you see how enmeshed you are in some of  the Old Age belief patterns? It is time – actually far beyond time – for you to stop believing you can make anyone stronger, better or healthier than they can themselves. They have access to the same tool kit that you do and always have. You are not stronger or better – just different, with a different role to play.

Your society has used both care taker and victim roles to control the masses. If someone “out there” can make whatever is bothering you all better, why would you spend time trying to work out your issues, pain or fears?

Let us return to an example with which all parents are familiar. Is it not easier to pick up your child’s blocks than to encourage them to pick up their blocks? Some parents do not have the strength to wait as the child picks up one toy, looks at it, whines and then asks why they must pick up their other toys – over and over again. Are not those parents the ongoing care takers of their adult children?

Teach them to fish and they will swim on their own. Teach them to depend on you or anyone else and they will never leave their small pool of comfort. So be it. Amen.

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May 10, 2011 at 4:20 pm 10 comments


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